Welcome to your Community Bulletin for the week of September 17, 2016.
Seems the big news this morning was not the statutes dropped by the council, but the appearance of The Other Joneses at Edna’s diner this morning. The young couple fled their home last night with their toddler when a man with a taser entered their camp and attempted to incapacitate Mr Jones. After a brief altercation, they were pursued toward the closest road by several armed individuals. Fortunately, a neighborly trucker spotted them, got them into his rig, and called the authorities. Officers from the Sheriff’s Department and the Forest Service swept in and by noon had arrested five individuals who, interestingly enough, looked a lot like the “campers” were were having trouble with last week. The suspects are being questioned presently, with the Council of Old Guy petitioning that they should be allowed to do a little “questioning” of their own. Everyone around here is pretty mortified this happened. The younger Joneses will be staying with their parents for the time being, and Brother Louis has gone out to the Smith’s little homestead to give them a heads up regarding these “mushroom poachers.”
Police Chief Wells stressed that, while this is a pretty horrible thing, you can help law enforcement do their job by not falling to paranoid vigilantism.
Buster said that they’ll be forming up a “Community Patrol” this evening around 10:00 PM if anybody wants to help. “Don’t forget to bring phones, rope, and flashlights,” he said, “not to sound paranoid, but, Safety First.”
The delivery driver that picked them up was debriefed, but apparently is pretty familiar with our off grid families, and was pretty shaken by the frightened story they told as he rolled toward town. He came back through to check on the Joneses this afternoon and was happy to hear they were ok, but saddened that he lost his job for helping them, as it delayed his delivery. Edna told the young fellow that he would never have to worry about employment ever again. She said he needed to go apply for the job he really wanted and to let her know what it was. While a powerful gesture of thanks to an accidental hero, I think we can all agree that Edna’s kinda scary when she talks like this. Mostly because, for better or worse, nobody has ever seen her break a promise.
No word on our back-country diplomat this week. Last we heard from Sheila, she was in the Canadian Cascades, and staying briefly with friends at one of the Reservations before heading up-country. She is not likely to be happy about events.
In less panic provoking news, the City Council was thoroughly badgered throughout their meeting by the “keep the wacky old laws” lobby. Mara Arden and Anders Anderson were in peak form, driving the Council to the point where they almost adjourned the meeting out of sheer spite. However, Mayor Amundsen came up with a suggestion that worked around all the objections: leave all the “LCC” statutes intact, but adopt a new “Leverite Community Revised Code” adapted from the next town over. This new LCRC would always take precedence, but if it did not address a specific situation, the archaic LCC would be the fall back if it applied.
Well, this proposal was met with near-unanimous approval. Only Mara, sitting dumbstruck in the front row, said nothing. It seems her brain had encountered a scenario she never thought possible: she agreed with something Mayor Amundsen had said. The damage from this may affect her permanently.
There are only a few kids from Leverite attending the high school this year. Amma’s grand-daughter Anita reports that the bullying many kids from Leverite used to experience has gotten much better since the O’Mallory family and their spawn left the district over the summer.It seems the whole family uprooted and moved to Azerbaijan of all places. “It was kind of surprising news. Not unwelcome, just surprising.” Anita said.
Edna reported that there would be no new specials this week, but anybody that brought her “the fruiting bodies of some wild-caught mushrooms” would be getting a steep discount on their meals for the foreseeable future.
This issue of the Community Bulletin brought to you by the City Council, who reminds you that local businesses need tourist dollars to thrive, so please, stop trying to run off the tourists.