Weird Noises

Folks were awoken early this morning by strange sounds out near Settler’s Hill trail – the old trail local kids call “suicide hill.” Residents described the sound as a “…rapid spitting sound. Like a cartoon spittle sound, but, from a machine gun.”

Officer Sophia Martinez responded to the call, expecting to find the results of a midnight paintball fight, but found no evidence of any late-night activity. She was about to pack it in when she heard the sound herself, describing it as “the dying wheeze of the saddest little 2-stroke engine in history.” She followed the sound off-trail for a while, but the sound stopped before she could identify the source.

Officer Martinez would like to remind folks that motorized vehicles are not permitted on the Settler’s Hill trails, and if that was a motor vehicle, “sweetheart, you have got to get that thing tuned up.”