Community Bulletin – Feral Daughter and Prodigal Son

Good Afternoon, and welcome to the Community Bulletin for the week of August 13th, 2016.

It’s been a quiet week in…well, very few places really, if you follow the news. However, here it has just been the heat that has everyone on edge. The Council of Old Guys have been stripped to Bermuda shorts and tank tops, and are sitting perfectly arranged on the bench as to improve the rate of evaporative cooling. “Global Warming’s gonna kill us all,” Ken spoke absently while reading his phone, “but until then, at least we have Fudgcicles.” This sentiment was met with hearty agreement by the rest of the Old Guys. It was noted that, with as warm as it is here, at least we aren’t further inland where cities like Portland, Salem, and Springfield have burst into flames, all life scoured away under the hateful glare of the menacing sun.

The Council of Old Guys may be exaggerating. Big PaulĀ  agreed to take Sheila in to Eugene to catch a bus. Didn’t bother mentioning that he happened to be picking someone up at the station. Paul waited with Sheila, and as her bus pulled up, a blonde, barefoot, seven-foot-two hulk squeezed out the door. So, that may have been a little awkward. Probably not what any of us would have wanted her to see before heading out into the wilds again. She went stone faced and formal, and got on the bus with a flat affect and a departing nod. Hopefully we see her again.

But for everyone else that loved him and missed him, Paul’s boy Hudson has come home, at least for awhile. Seems that Mr Singh reached out to him about that data tracking job and he has accepted the contract. He’s staying with his folks initially, but he is hoping to rent out and renovate a small barn or tin building to live in during his stay. Plumbing optional, Electrical service required. He’ll be living in town for the next year at least, longer if the contract is renewed.

The Town Council meeting last night focused on “CO-mmunity CO-mmunication” with a high dollar guest speaker from some self-certified International Institute of Restating-The-Obvious. It seems that, after the last big community event, members of the Town Council felt that they needed to do a better job at being neighbors and existing as members of the community, rather than in this perpetual state of Otherness. So naturally, they hired a consultant and organized a committee. The takeaways from the meeting were: “This guy is full of BS,” “That’s not how you talk to people!,” and “How the hell did I give the OK on this guy? None of this crap is in the pamphlet! Get him out of here,” and “Meeting adjourned, let’s go to Edna’s.”

The results from Edna’s week-long culinary experiment are in, and with the exception of the prickly-pear dish, folks rated them all quite high, particularly the light and fluffy surprise. She couldn’t make enough to keep up and declared a one-order per person rule for the remainder of the day. Consensus is that folks hope it becomes a regular menu item, though they admitted it tasted suspiciously like fried peanut butter wrapped in filo dough.

Abraham has been on a real kick with that airbrush of his, and turned Jane Welch’s rusted hunk of a Corola into a rolling tribute to 1970’s psychedelic art and Animal from The Muppet Show. Even if it doesn’t match your taste, there is no denying the skillful execution of the piece. After driving it around town most of the morning with a huge smile on her face, Jane has taken of for the rest of the weekend to cruise the coast in her sweet custom ride.


This issue of the Community Bulletin Brought to you by Southside Auto, because your life is important enough to warrant regular oilchanges.